Jackie has been through a difficult time during her pregnancy with her second child.  She worked as a Prostitute but gave up the job early in her pregnancy and trained as an Aroma therapist with us. Shortly after her second son’s birth she was abandoned by the father of the new baby, and she returned to the Escort Club she was formerly employed.  This contributed to her distant behavior towards her first born, and to the fact that she was using drugs to cope with her current situation. Her seven year old boy had been in my care for several months with his mother’s consent.  During that time she showed little interest in him or his physical and emotional needs, but said it was due to the hours she worked.    It was however no excuse for neglecting and rejecting her child whom was dependent on her acceptance of him as her son.

In 2001 she wrote:

"My life is a jamble and I wish I could have some sense made out of this chaos but to whom can I turn. Everybody is so self presurvent and focussed on survival that I can’t turn to anybody around me.  It feels like I’m getting lost between responsibility and demands everybody makes without anyone stopping for one minute to ask about my opinion.  If I could just have one person that would listen because they want to and that won’t judge, I might find my way back home where ever that might be.

If it was just this one thing to sort out, fine, but it is so many things in one space of time that I don’t know what to pay attention to or what I should just let be, but then I have to kill a part of me to not feel, hurt, think, wonder or ask why? And I am not that strong anymore.  I really want to be in control but I can’t get a grip on all I need handled.  I’m one person, one being but I need to split in two or more to cope and I’m falling apart.

I admit defeat, I can’t cope anymore and yet I have to, everybody is looking to me to be strong to just pick-up and go  on no matter where to.  If only I could see the light at the end of this tunnel then maybe I might get some sense of strength to go on, but for now I just want to close my eyes and pray that I don’t feel, think see, touch or anything, just be like a dead person to the world, myself and sleep forever even if it’s only for a day."

Please, please, help me!!!

Jack’s

Both Mickey's children were taken from her by Welfare Authorities. A few years later she tested HIV positive, and died of an AIDS related disease.